Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize