Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
