Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
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You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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