No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
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Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
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I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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