he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
