Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
