God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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