After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
