A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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