the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
