do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
