Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
