Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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