i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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