In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
