So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
