so that wasnt chicken after all
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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