What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed