He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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