So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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