i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
