If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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