:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
