I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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