i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
