I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
