frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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