If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
