i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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