I love black thongs
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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