I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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