It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
