Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
