I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I need a beard to bite.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
