if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
