I need help removing her.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
