did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
