is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
