Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
