Me too!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
