Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
