i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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