Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
