i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
