I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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