I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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