I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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