barbara walters just said penis...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
