Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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