I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
