evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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