Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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