I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
