girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
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Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i out mim tonsoeep
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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