I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
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yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
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Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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