Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
