don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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