But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
even my farts smell like vagina
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
