Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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