I puked a lego.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
