if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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