he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
