I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
