Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
