I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
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You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
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I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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