nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I skipped work to stalk him.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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