All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
