The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
