I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
