That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
