I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
