it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
