Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
