You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
