I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
